When will I learn that it is not about me?

In my never ending struggle to submit to the Lord I was reminded once again that the Lord is not interested in my abilities but in my availability. In chapters three and four of the book of Exodus, an interesting conversation is recorded between God and Moses. A conversation that tells us a great deal about the stubbornness of man and the grace of God.

God spoke to Moses giving him clear indication and leading for the ministry God had prepared for him. This led to an interesting exchanged between God and Moses.

The Lord: "I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."

Moses: "Why me?"

The Lord: "Don't worry, I will be with you."

Moses: "But I don't don't know what to say to him?"

The Lord: "Tell him that 'I AM" has sent you."

Moses: "Ya right! What if they still don't listen to me?"

The Lord: "I will give you some very unusual abilities that will get their attention. They will listen, believe Me."

Moses: "I don't want to do this, I am a terrible public speaker."

The Lord: "Moses! Who gave you your mouth? I am well able to speak through you."

Moses: "O Lord, please send someone else to do it, I can't wanna do it!"

I am forever grateful that the Lord has, in His great wisdom, allowed us to see into the lives of many of the people He has used throughout Scripture -- the giants of the faith like Abraham, Joseph, Moses, David, Jonah, Paul and Peter, to name a few.

As in the case of Moses, I can relate to the hesitancy and lack of faith that he demonstrated when he was called to a ministry for which he felt he was poorly prepared. Many, many times I have tried to resist the Lord and run from the direction He is leading because of my own feelings of inadequacy. In reality, these feelings are not feelings of inadequacy but my unwillingness to give over complete control of my life to the Lord. I still struggle with the attitude of wanting to do things my way, which usually means not doing what God has directed me to do -- like Moses, "I do it my own self!"

God's grace and patience with me is something that I will never understand, but it is something for which I am eternally grateful. What an awesome God He is to put up with the likes of me. He has chosen, for reasons known only to Him, to minister through me to His people. It is an amazing privilege and clearly shows that our God has a wonderful sense of humor! Praise His Name!

Lord continue to teach me that You are not interested in my abilities, You want my availability!