"I don't care and I don't care that I don't care . . . "

In December of 2008 while sitting at my desk eating lunch, I experienced an uneasy pressure in my chest. Thinking that I was suffering from heart burn, I tossed the rest of my sandwich away. Then I got to thinking, I have never had heart burn before. Perhaps this as something else, something I had been sort of expecting. You see, my mother died of a massive coronary when she was 59 years old and my father died of a massive coronary when he was 65 years old. At the time I was 62 years old, right in the middle!

Sometimes you know that you know something is wrong and eventually I allowed my wife to take me to the emergency room of our local hospital. Several tests later I was taken by ambulance to a heart hospital several miles from our home. They did a heart cath. and inserted two stents. The Lord had seen fit to spare me and I returned to "normal" life with all its clutter and busyness.

Six months later, after experiencing lethargy and the need for way too much sleep, I realized, as I was studying for a Bible study that I lead, that I didn't care and I didn't care that I didn't care. Wow, I thought, I must be depressed. This was something new for me and something about which I knew very little. A little internet searching and I found out that depression is a common occurrence for those who have suffered a heart attack.

What to do? I am not a fan of medication because of the side effects (that is another story) so I did not want to go the route of seeing my family doctor. Sitting at my desk again and talking with my heavenly Father about the situation, He turned me to an amazing passage in His Word.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and

saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

I broke down and wept at those words! My heavenly Father understood my broken heart and crushed spirit! He was there with me holding me in the palm of His hand! I can not express the depth of love I experienced from Him at that moment. It was as if those words, written so many years ago, were written directly to me.

Since then I have found many other Psalms that have ministered to me like never before as the Lord has taken me from the grips of depression and has set my feet back on solid ground. What a truly awesome and amazing God we have! Not only did Jesus Christ die on the cross for my sins, but He is well aware of my physical and mental frailties and He carries me daily through the mine fields that Satan lays before me. Thank you Lord, I love you!